Well, hello there! It’s been a little while. I wanted to update you all on my recent epiphany:
I’m addicted to social media.
I feel like this is something I’ve known for quite some time… and to be honest, I don’t think I know anybody who isn’t addicted to social media and/or their cell phones.
This past weekend, I deactivated my Instagram account for what seems like the 100th time in the last couple of years. I go through phases where I need a break and I just feel in my soul that my obsessive behavior is taking a toll on me.
It usually hits me when I look up and realize it is 8:30pm, almost time for bed, and I haven’t even started that movie I said I wanted to watch and OH MY GOD, TWO FUCKING HOURS JUST WENT BY… WHAT WAS I EVEN DOING?
Oh, yeah, SCROLLING on INSTAGRAM.
It is a scary realization to have. Although, I have had it many, many times before… and I try to get off social media and what do you know… I am right back in a couple weeks or a month. It is such a vicious cycle. Sound familiar?
I also finally took a big step by deactivating my Facebook account, too. Normally, I try to convince myself that “Facebook is okay”, “Facebook isn’t even in anymore anyways”, “I just have Facebook so I can stay in touch with family”, “Facebook isn’t addictive… I’m never even on there”. I go as far as just deleting the app from my phone and then find myself using it from the Safari browser………………
I got rid of Instagram and then I was scrolling obsessively on Facebook. So that was it. Facebook had to go. That one hurt a little bit as I wonder if my family will think I blocked them or if people are going to think something is terribly wrong. And then it dawned on me: who fucking cares? Anybody who knows me and anybody I actually care about, will have the answer to their questions and I really don’t care about anybody else. I keep in touch with the people I care most about in real life and I don’t need social media to “help” me do that. I will be forgetting a LOT of birthdays so please forgive me in advance.
My friend told me to watch this Netflix documentary called “The Social Dilemma”. Let me tell you – I am shook.
It only validated my recent deactivation of my accounts (including Snapchat). I even went as far as unsubscribing from so many emails and websites and turning off my notifications. It technically hasn’t been a full day yet as I deactivated everything by the middle of the day yesterday but I already feel like a crack addict who needs a fix.
In the car last night, I kept reaching for my purse to get my phone. I would settle for playing with the zipper or button on my bag and consciously tell myself to cut the shit. This happened several times in a 15 minute time span. I told myself I can’t touch my phone for an hour and noted the time. I succeeded and didn’t pick it up for over an hour.
Night time came and I was on the couch with my fiancè while he watched the football game. Naturally, I could not give a fuck less about anything in the world… so what else could I do?
I started looking at my phone, texting my BFF, scrolling through real estate apps (we are in the process of looking for a house), checking/deleting e-mails, and even looking through the app store.
What the actual FUCK. I am a fucking FIEND. This is not okay.
This has truly opened my eyes to something spectacular: we are wasting our lives being manipulated by social media. One of the most important things I learned from the documentary is that if you’re not sure what the product is, YOU are the product.
Gives me the chills just to think about it.
As an addition to my wellness journey, I plan to break my addiction to social media and start incorporating healthy habits in place of my mindless and hypnotic scrolling, such as journaling, reading a book, meditating, drinking water, drawing, physical activity… honestly literally anything else but scrolling. I want to get to a point where I use my phone for texting and phone calls and of course a few important things like the weather app, reminders, and important e-mails… you know… what we USED to use our phones for back in the good ol’ days.
I am going to try to post daily about this experience but I will post at least weekly. I hope you follow along and maybe you will even resonate and join me. If you plan on joining me, leave me a comment!